It’s the story of the lost wallet. Psychotherapist and author Dr. John Monbourquette once told this story: “One beautiful summer evening: a man looked out his window and saw his neighbor on the street, crouched on his hands and knees. He seemed to be looking for something under the street lamp. So the… Continue reading Story of the Lost Wallet
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Know Your Shadow
Know your shadow. Unless you do, you can’t be whole. Remember those moments when you you look into the light. Then you become luminous. Those moments are usually preceded by your plunging into the shadow of darkness. This however is not pleasant or pleasurable work of growth. And therefore not a popular road. People deny… Continue reading Know Your Shadow
Are You Here Now?
Are you here now? Life, you know, can be simple. We live in a world of distractions. Our minds drift into different directions. We often miss what we have now … right in front of us. While speaking to a struggling middle-aged couple, Tony and Tina, they couldn’t help but always be distracted. One of… Continue reading Are You Here Now?
Focus on the Process and Not the Result
Problems are better facilitated for resolution when you focus on the process and not the result. Concentrate on process. Detach from outcome. This could be so difficult to do. Most of us are wired to worry more about the result rather than focus on the process of getting what we want. “I failed my first… Continue reading Focus on the Process and Not the Result
Learn to Let Go and Detach
Life is a constant flow and challenge to learn to let go and detach. It’s the nature of the temporality of our existence. Mental health is always a process of learning to let go and detach. Tina, one of my long-time psychotherapy patients, was relating about her struggles to let go and detach. She’s imprisoned… Continue reading Learn to Let Go and Detach
Don’t Lie To Your Self
A most important health-giving good you can do to your life is: Don’t lie to your self. Humanity has a problem. It’s the hardest thing to do for so many of us. As Edward Bulwer-Lytton put it, “The easiest person to deceive is one’s self.” How do you know you’re lying to your self? There… Continue reading Don’t Lie To Your Self
Leave Home Psychologically
Maturing adults leave home psychologically. Dr. Paul Tournier was a wise and well known Swiss psychiatrist. He’s a master of healing broken individuals towards becoming whole persons. “Become your own person” was one of Dr. Tournier’s key psychological healing principles. He spoke of “taking off “ parental injunctions in applying that principle. Last night, I… Continue reading Leave Home Psychologically
Beat Your Approval Addiction
Beat your approval addiction. Screw what people say! Sounds harsh? It could save your life! Gigi, a dutiful daughter and medical student, was sharing with me how she grew up to be a “pleaser.” She derived much of her self worth from the approval of people around her. She’s so worried about keeping her parents… Continue reading Beat Your Approval Addiction
Confrontation That Heals Best
Dysfunctional, offensive people need confrontation that heals best. And that is, when it serves love. My client, Bobby, 29, struggled with stopping and confronting his mother who continually abused him – physically, verbally, and emotionally. He wanted very much to establish firm, healthy boundaries. But his mother never honored it. She went on violating his… Continue reading Confrontation That Heals Best
Practice Thought Stopping
If you are anxious, depressed, or emotionally down, practice thought stopping. It’s one of those recognized psychological first-aid how-tos that can be useful in multiple situations. For instance, my client Riza always breaks down whenever her mother shouts at and verbally abuses her. Her confessed self-talk has always been “I’m no good! No one accepts… Continue reading Practice Thought Stopping
