Maturing adults leave home psychologically.
Dr. Paul Tournier was a wise and well known Swiss psychiatrist. He’s a master of healing broken individuals towards becoming whole persons.
“Become your own person” was one of Dr. Tournier’s key psychological healing principles. He spoke of “taking off “ parental injunctions in applying that principle.
Last night, I was in a Viber session with a single mother and her one and only child, daughter KC. It was surely one of my most emotionally charged sessions to date.
KC, now 30, just ran away from home a day before she contacted me. She left due to her mother’s continuing verbal and emotional abuses at home, which she could not stand.
Her mother opposed her getting married soon and accused KC of being selfish and threatening to abandon her alone.
The process of “taking off” by examining parental injunctions is an act we describe as “to leave home psychologically.” Doing this entails an independent stance on the part of the adult child.
She examines what she has been taught by her parents. Then, she figures out her own values and directions instead of just being what her parents have told her is “right.”
As a parent myself, watching my adult children learning to “leave home psychologically” has been a painful process.
When they’re little kids, I could set boundaries and enforce decisions for their good. But now that they’re working adults, I have to adapt accordingly and offer them unconditional love and acceptance.
Of course, I could be emotional to some choices they make. I tried to be as objective as I can in interpreting to them why I’d be concerned about certain choices. But my “role” pattern as a parent towards my adult children has certainly become different now.
I’m happy, nonetheless, to see my children “take off” and do independent adulting and try their own thinking on for size.
We all must make that passage to maturity and wholeness – from childhood dependency into adulthood.