What makes self-compassion hard?
It’s essential that you practice self-compassion when you need to heal. Your wounded self and relationships.
“I can’t accept myself and believe this is happening. My brother and sister are not answering my texts. They do me wrong. I feel so bad. I don’t want to see them again!” Rowena said during a Viber therapy session, breaking down in tears.
Notice what’s happening to Rowena.
- It doesn’t help her siblings and it doesn’t help her.
- It over-relies on feelings for her facts.
- It impedes her personal healing and growth.
- It inhibits her ability to give to her siblings who also need her love and attention.
Self-compassion is not the same as self-pity. They’re two different attitudes or perspectives with two different results.
Self-pity is justifying self-punishment and feeling bad about one’s self. It’s feeling diminished by the words and deeds of others.
Self-compassion is basic acceptance of one’s humanity and imperfections. It’s responsibility for one’s mistakes as well as resolving to change.
Self-compassion can be hard for a variety of reasons, including low self-esteem and self-affirmation, a sense of deep insecurity, inability to speak or express one’s true emotions, dysfunctional parent mistakes or abuse, spiritual disorders, among others.
To quote from the Psychotherapy Networker, it reads:
“Self-compassion includes an element of wisdom—recognition of our common humanity. This means accepting the fact that, along with everyone else on the planet, we’re flawed and imperfect individuals, just as likely as anyone else to be hit by the slings and arrows of outrageous (but perfectly normal) misfortune. This sounds obvious, but it’s funny how easily we forget.”
If you want to work on your wounded relationship, you have to work on your self-compassion. Practice basic acceptance of and kindness to one’s self.
As you open to your inner life, your relational life shifts. As you go within, you’ll discover that you’re not alone out there.
“If you cannot be compassionate towards yourself, you will never be able to be compassionate towards others.” – Thich Nhat Hanh