Stuck in a bad relationship? Are you imprisoned in a jail of relational dysfunction?
If you are, then it’s basic that you know first why you’re still going on with it.
Why you can’t let go and protect your self.
In my own psychotherapy practice, there have been so many times I’d be with couples trapped in a web of lies, deceit, or abuse in their relationships.
For some deeper reasons, they’d allow themselves to remain trapped.
Bad relationships, doctors say, are damaging to your overall well being.
A few years ago, I was speaking to Leonora. She couldn’t understand why her mother was still not leaving her father.
For decades, her mother had been black and blues on her face due to the physical abuses of her father.
“I’m filing a police and legal court case against my father for her,” said Leonora during a Zoom session, “but my Mom won’t let me!”
Psychologist Dr. Howard Halpern writes of 3 psychological “layers of linkage” that influence a person’s decision to stay in a bad relationship that she knows she should leave.
1. Practical Considerations: financial dependence, young children, family entanglements, business concerns
2. Core Beliefs: one holds about one’s self, about marriage, about the troubled attachment, about relationships in general
3. Deepest Feelings and Motives: originates early, often beneath one’s awareness – from its hidden recesses, controls one’s life
If you’re stuck in a bad relationship, it’s important to know how your “addiction to the person” evolved.
It can be bigger than you are!
In psychotherapy, you’ll be able to see it as a logical and understandable development of your personal history.
So hopefully along the way you learn to take a compassionate attitude toward your self.
And most importantly to be able to learn what you can do to overcome it.
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