How Do You Talk To Your Self?

How do you talk to your self?

Questioning of your own self can be therapeutic. But it does depend on how you talk to yourself.

“You’re nothing but shit! You won’t amount to anything.” That’s how Finn’s father would talk to him during his childhood and youth.

Finn became psychologically wounded and developed poor self esteem as a result of his father’s abuses.

Due to his unmetabolized pain, he finds himself highly vulnerable and over-reactive to harsh criticism and judgment from other people. 

He’s giving his father and critical people too much credibility in his life. This then affects the way he talks to himself.

Dr. John Monbourquette, psychologist-priest, writes and comments in his book “Self-Esteem And The Soul:”

“The questioning of the self covers the whole of our inner dialogue about our physical traits, qualities, values, and so on. People who have high self-esteem speak well about themselves. People with low self-esteem criticize themselves severely; sometimes they even wound themselves further … How we react to a mistake or a failure is very revealing. People with low self-esteem tend to heap on reproaches, in the tone of a critical parent.”

People who healthily regard themselves have positive self talk. They are able to handle criticisms and evaluations from people with appropriate detachment.

They can see that some are relevant and worthy of note. And at the same time, they can be suspicious of others’ definitions of them that minimize their value.

How do you talk to your self?

First, you do separation. 

You separate fixed self-sabotaging thoughts that are transcribed in your emotional memories from your present reality. These are thoughts and feelings that make you blow up out of proportion to present persons and situations.

Second, you do connection. You connect to your higher self and activate your faith. You talk to your self, not in a depressing tone, but in an invigorating manner. “My life bursts with potential” is self talk that promotes healthy self-esteem and optimism.

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