Psychotherapy is the business of understanding shame and its cure.
“I feel ashamed,” said a teenager about his years of pornography habit. “It gets me to think of killing my self.”
In my life when I was a teenager, I got hooked in chess and collecting chess books. I played in tournaments and needed resources with my meager allowance.
I started “shoplifting” for chess books in the local National Bookstore.
When an agent in the store caught me, he detained me and called my mother. I could remember the hands and tears of shame I felt then.
Shame and guilt are two different things.
Guilt is action based – “I did something bad” – whereas shame is identity-based – “I am bad.”
Psychotherapists Drs. James D. Harper and Margaret Hoopes, authors of the book “Uncovering Shame,” wrote:
“Differentiating the two is crucial in understanding the development of personal identity. Shame is an emotion in response to a negative evaluation of one’s self, whereas guilt is an evaluation of behavior. Guilt is emotionally healthy and a necessary process of living with others, as long as it is an evaluation of behavior rather than being …”
Shame is painful. A very intense feeling or experience of being flawed. And therefore, unworthy of love, belonging, or acceptance.
There are symptoms of shame-based thinking to “silence the shame.”
One is perfectionism. You over-expect and over-desire to prove your worth.
Another is a critical spirit. You’re judgmental and critical of your self and others.
And often, the presence of a habit of self-defeating thoughts. That only sabotages your opportunities for healing and growth.
In mental disorder, addiction, or psychopathology, shame is a common viral overload. It holds and poisons the victim.
Mark Twain once observed, “Everybody is like a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody.”
There is cure for shame. It’s part of the divine idea.
Understanding shame and its cure will set your self and life free.
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