How can I solve a problem for you?
Maybe you have a problem that keeps you awake at night.
You feel your life will change when that problem stops being a problem.
Candy, 31, has been in recovery from addiction to drugs and alcoholism for 5 years.
She took her first drug and booze together at age 16 with school mates and friends in a wild teenage party.
About 3 years after that, Candy admitted that she had another addiction. She’s obsessed with sex, both with men and women.
In therapy, she discovered how her addictions were only symptoms. Just a part of the problem.
When she just focused on symptoms or tried external abstinence techniques, she only generated superficial solutions.
“How can I solve a problem for you?,” I asked when she first came on Skype.
In therapy, among others, she learned to start solving by asking her self a core question,
“Is my drug, alcohol, and sex addictions the ‘core problem?’ “
As her psychotherapist, that’s where I strove to help. She didn’t know what the “core problem” was.
So I had to be with her until she gets to the core.
With time, Candy was able to.
She discovered that, underneath her obvious problem, were unmetabolized pains.
For many years, she’d been using her “drugs” to escape.
To medicate and soothe her loneliness and low self worth from an abusive family situation.
That’s a stunning revelation for her.
She spent most of her years “checked out,” doing her addictions to avoid being present to her pains and resolving them.
Candy went into therapy. She finally began truly seeing and solving her problem – her core problem underneath her obvious problem.
An evolution like Candy’s is very common. By seeking help to solve a problem, you may see underlying roots or issues.
“If you don’t break your ropes while you’re alive, do you think ghosts will do it after?” – Kabir
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