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How To Forgive Your Self

Healing is often a journey to learn how to forgive your self.

“I’ve done a mortal mistake in my marriage doc, and my kids have become alienated to me. I can’t forgive my self,” shared Ricky during a Zoom therapy session.

Ricky’s traumatic experiences happened 10 years ago. And he continues to still beat himself up with depression, anxiety panic, and substance abuse.

He wasn’t able to move past what happened despite the years that went by – still filtering his reactions through his own maladaptive internal view.

“Men are disturbed not by things but by the view they take of them,” said the ancient classical philosopher Epictetus.

The philosopher was implying that we are unable to see life as clearly as we need to when we view it through glasses fogged by untruths or unrealities.

We all commit mistakes. And we will continue to do so. It’s part of the inevitable reality of our perfect imperfection as human beings.

But we can all think of numerous cases of psychologically/emotionally wounded individuals who still beat themselves up. 

They do, for the mistakes or sins they committed in life. They can’t forgive themselves (usually unconsciously), which only unnecessarily prolong their suffering.

Writer Caitlin Abber, in one 2019 article of the Oprah Daily, wrote about 11 important psychological tips or principles to help you forgive your self.

They are, namely:

  1.   Remember that it’s ok to feel  guilty.
  2.   Understand the difference between guilt and shame.
  3.   Admit you messed up.
  4.   Apologize to anyone you may have hurt.
  5.   Imagine what forgiveness would feel like.
  6.   Write your self an apology.
  7.   Learn from your mistake.
  8.   Take care of your self mentally and physically.
  9.   Be patient.
  10. Don’t try to change other people.
  11. Practice what you preach.

Move on. Do learn how to forgive your self. And avoid the same mistakes towards a better future in your life. It’s never too late.

how to forgive your self

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