My Online Psychotherapy Ph

Choose Your Battles

Choose your battles. Say no to nit-picking.

Pick only the majors that truly matter. Avoid the minors or trivial.

I’m reminded of this saying by Philipp Melanchthon, “In essentials, unity; in nonessentials, liberty; in all things, charity.”

A problem that derails this principle is “nit-picking.” 

Merriam Webster dictionary defines “nit-picking” as …“a minute, and usually unjustified criticism.”

The grounds for nit-picking are insignificant. They’re unfounded, unfair, or petty reproach or remark.

Dr. Chuck Swindoll, in his book “Seasons of Life,” once told of a story of two unmarried sisters who lived together in one small house.

Due to a very small and slight disagreement over an insignificant matter, they stopped talking to and interacting with each other…

It all happened under one roof. Each one was unwilling to take the first step to reconcile and forgive and offer a gesture of goodwill.

No one blinked. They “co-existed for years in grinding silence,” as Dr. Swindoll described it.

Psychologists say that nit-picking is usually resorted to by persons in relationship, for example, for emotional discharge.

Couples can start very happy. But then after some time, one partner starts noticing negative things in the other. 

When unprocessed, even with little things or the slightest provocation, couples begin to manifest acute negative reactions to each other. 

You may notice that these nit-picking moments appear all too common among many couples. 

When they don’t realize it and repair early enough, the nit-picking can cause the relationship to suffer unnecessary pain or break down.

Choose your battles. It can be a matter of life or death.

As Jim Rohn put it,

“Learn to separate the majors and the minors. A lot of people don’t do well simply because they major on minor things … The major value in life is not what you get. The major value in life is what you become.”


choose your battles

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Online psychotherapy