My reflections as a father. This Father’s Day as I write this post.
Yes, I’m a father. Almost 30 years now. 3 biological children, 2 step-children.
Days ago, I was in a South Korean-owned tea house in the mall. Sipping my favorite hot honey green tea.
Around me, I noticed an unusual number of fellow fathers. Perhaps both the “good” and the “difficult” in my midst.
Some, with their little kids. Others, walking with their adult kids.
Still others just look like fathers, with their grey hairs.
I went through the phases. Got me to reflect upon and reminisce about my being a father.
My favorite memory is, when my kids were still tiny or small, warm bodies. And I can play with, kiss, and hug them.
When they got older, I could feel just how much happier I am in their happiness than in my own.
I can’t fully explain myself. When my children were little, their noise in the house could overwhelm me.
Then they started adulting, leaving the house so quietly I thought I’d have a nervous breakdown.
With my own father when I was a child and onwards, I never have had memories of play, kiss, hug, noise, or happier moments with him.
Growing up, I couldn’t imagine how else to be with him. It’s a strange thing to have any real conversation or fun with him.
Ever since my father was like that, I tried to ask if there’s anything wrong with me.
Over time, I just became angry and resentful towards him. For always “checking out.”
Before he died many years ago, I visited and had peace with him.
I finally understood him and what happened to us. In tears, I forgave him and he forgave me.
The work I do a lot these days as a psychotherapist is fathering too.
Most of my days I spend fathering the “fatherless” – with broken lives and broken homes – who come through my sessions.
Each one, an emotional disaster. Each case is a personal crisis, after years of bitter suffering.
Drugs can’t cure to the core these wounded souls.
They need fathering that leads them to the healing love of their real Father.
Being a father helps me live my true purpose.
My reflections as a father are founded deeply on this Scripture,
“As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love,” Jesus said (John 15:9).
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